Clara was one of the girls I failed to notice in high school. In fact nobody dared to notice her. She used to sit at the back of the classroom where all the rowdy boys would stay while I always stay in the front row, trying to believe that the people who sat behind me were of less importance. I would assume that my armchair was some sort of a queen's throne, and anyone who wanted to be in my clique just had to bow down and kiss my boot. Most of the students in my class would whisper around school, giggling about her scrubby uniform and the ugly way her massive array of curls would fall across her spectacled pair of eyes. All I ever cared about were people who mattered to me, not some geek who didn't have any fashion sense in her system. She never really said anything to me, but I could tell that her world was as boring as her face. She didn't have many friends, in fact she would always sit alone, and try as hard as possible not to utter a single sound. I know I shouldn't care less especially when most of the students would make fun of the way she walked, or the way her shoulders would sag as if carrying an enormous backpack. Clara was Clara..and she could go her way while I'll definitely go mine.

She remained non-esistent for quite sometime. Until that day when I was assigned with some school work with her. I barely mentioned a word when Clara was the first to say something. It came out like a hoarse whsiper but she told me in the faintest way that she was excited to work with me. We were told to paint a slogan for the class graduation and I didn't want to spoil such an opportunity like this that I took the whole project to myself. She totally freaked me.

When graduation arrived, my slogan hang itself proudly in the auditorium. That's when in the first time in my life, I noticed Clara. She was nowhere to be found, even when we marched inside the room. It just struck me, not really knowing her even for the few days where we were asked to participate in a project together. I didn't care much about her views concerning the slogan but her presence suddenly hit me the moment I noticed she wasn't around. I didn't even have the nerve to ask any of my classmates where she was, in fear of being ridiculed. But I knew something was wrong.

I was concentrating hard on the names being called out for the diplomas when someone tapped me from behind. I turned to see an old woman handing me a rolled up piece of cardboard. Without hesitation, I took it from her extended hand and gingerly opened the package. It was Clara's slogan, made from an artistically crafted hand, the colors used to represent the class graduation almost appalled me. The drawings imitated all the students inside the classroom,,the rowdy boys at he back..Clara's seat...her curly hair and her eyes casted down with silent tears on her face..and there in the middle my "high chair" where a girl sat beaming and oblivious of everything else...I couldn't understand, and with that I stood up and ran to the old woman that handed me the slogan.

She was Claras mother. I learned that Clara couldn't make it to the graduation because of her illness. She was confined in the hospital the very same day she was supposed to come up the stage to receive her diploma. She had leukemia.

No one really understood Clara. Because no one dared enough to do so. In every high school..or in every human environment that we are evolving in, there are people who hurt you and people you get to hurt. I felt ashamed, knowing that I affected someone's life and refused to understand her plea. Why most of us turn our backs to others who seem unworthy of our attention. That we judge a person's appearance, unaware that they are as human as everyone else..who simply wanted to have a friend. In fear that others would mock us for seeking what is right, we choose a path to ostracize others not knowing that a life maybe at stake.

She died a few days after graduation. And I can still remember Clara. The way she would stare hard at me, the way I ignored her and felt irritated by her...when through it all, she simply needed someone to give her strength, someone to help her fight her disease.  It was ironic why she admired me, when I find out now that if there was anyone in this class to be admired..it was her. There were so many what-ifs..what if I knew all along...what if life hasn't been so unfair. But it was too late, I closed my heart too easily, and woke up when evertyhing was gone. There are a lot of Claras out there, people we put behind us, people who wanted to be a part of our lives. But we seem ruthless, we feel important about ourselves that the little things and insignificant people don't ring a bell. Life was never cruel, only sometimes people are.

Her death triggered an emotion inside me. Something I learned from someone who taught me that life should be as simple as it is. That we are mere mortals, born equal...and will die equal. That none of us own the right to put other people down, and look at them with no respect. We all circle around one existence, and we don't have the right to level ourselves higher than anyone else created in this world. Clara said I gave her last few years a big difference...but it's sad that she will never know the big difference she has made in mine.

A friend told me a story regarding this agent who was termed from a company because he apparently peed in a mineral water bottle during his shift. I was amazed at this story, not to mention grossed out. Picture this setting: Air-conditioned surroundings, multiple agents talking rapidly because of the queue, and then this brave young man suddenly stands up from his seat, pulled out his thingy, and then disposed himself right there and then in the middle of the operations floor. One would ask why this act of crudeness? Why wouldn't he simply go to his superior and ask himself to go to the little boys room? The answer is plain. A big plain NO. Most of us know that sometimes when the firing of calls are way beyond our control, our team leads would deny us that right to have our wee wee breaks. But the question is, why did this prevention cause this agent to push himself to rebellion and do this needful thing?

I believe that one wrong act can possibly be provoked by another. Let's say this agent is a veteran one (the ones who have been to so many call centers already and has been tenured long enough in the business to do something crazy and unlawful), but despite how aggravating a persons behavior is, this agent wouldn't have done anything beyond his self if someone did not fuse his temper. So he went to his team lead, asked politely to pee, and then this supervisor answers in a rude manner: "No, you stay in your seat and wait until your shift is over so you can go to the bathroom!" In ancient times this would have been cruel, and not to mention demeaning to ones sense as an employee. So all hell broke loose, as well as his thing in his pants and did the deed right there and then.

I once was a agent and never have I encountered such harshness. And now that I'm a supervisor too, I would never deny an agent his right to go to the bathroom despite the queue. I know that a team stats is fair competition, and the harder you press on your people to meet the goal, the better your scores would go up. But isn't this situation way too much? His act of disgracefulness would have caused his termination and I wouldn't disagree on it. But things could have been prevented easier. He wouldn't have lost his job, and the team leader wouldn't have lost his respect and vice versa if the entire situation was handled properly and fairly.

I wonder sometimes why other supervisors would value their numbers first beyond anything else. I remember a colleague telling me that agents are people too, they are not only digits that make a team perform. But I guess people vary, and once or twice we have encountered managers who see us only as a graph inside their heads. They smile politely to your benefit, but when you unconcsciously commit a mistake, they are the first ones to hang you at town aquare.
Just like this team leader. She has termed most of the agents who do not perform on her team. She thinks that they are the reasons who pull the stats down so she takes them out of the game. Wouldn't it have been better to focus your attention on non-performers and help them out of their weaknesses? But no. Nothing else matters for her. Only the numbers and her promotions. No wonder she doesn't have any friends.

I know not all of my agents like me. But I try to be fair with what they come up to me with. Besides I was an agent too before, and a team leader who doesn't believe in you and trust you makes the entire workplace a living hell. (Not to mention the difficulty of filing approval for Vacation Leaves).

So wherever that agent is right now, I can't help but be somehow proud of him. Although I know what he did is entirely uncalled for. There is just a lesson to be learned in all this, no matter what position you are in you have to know how to respect each other. And to that team leader slash terminator, I hope one day she learns to handle her team in a personal aspect as well. I mean you don't have any more friends, so if you keep kicking people out, there might not be a team left.

Dear Santa,

I was having second thoughts of writing to you, mainly because I'm not sure if you really exist or not. But I guess there is no harm in trying, after all if wishes do come true, then mine is probably worth a shot. I know that when they talk about you and when they get to sit on your knee, they ask so many material things. A new car, a cellphone that has everything on it, a house, a promotion..and the list just goes on. I refuse to be a hypocrite, and in just any normal day I would have asked for the same thing. But this year I chose not to.

Santa, I know you can't bring me back my Daddy and my Mommy to celebrate the holidays with me. I only wish to feel that same joy I used to have when Christmas is coming. When I was a child I look forward to the cheers and the reunions, but as the years passed the holiday is merely nothing to me. I have forgotten what it was like to smell the festive dinner my mom would be preparing, or the laughter that would come from the living room while we waited for midnight to open the gifts. Help me remember those wonderful times, and understand that the true meaning of Christmas is family..and happiness..and being together.

Santa I also wish to be less selfish. For the whole year I only thought of myself and carelessly meddled with other peoples feelings. I only wanted to be the best in everything I do, and I know there is nothing wrong with that. But help me nurture my talent in ways that I do not step on other people or hurt others.

Santa, help me to be more thankful of the blessings that come to me. Sometimes I am so enveloped with all the material things in my life that I tend to forget the little things that matter the most. Help me thank all the ones who were there for me through my hardships and for those who stayed while I was at my worst. I guess I can't really thank them enough. So if you can send them a gift on your way, I would truly appreciate it.

Santa help me to become a stronger person than I already am. Help me continue to fight my battles and to stand up from my mistakes. I know my life wasn't that easy for me this year, but teach me to hold on and move forward. That I can cry and be weak for a moment, but will not allow it to pull me down forever.

And Santa,  my last wish for this Christmas is to be able to appreciate all the people around me. That even if I don't get to eat a fabulous Christmas dinner, nor receive any gifts, I would know how to smile and laugh and feel good about myself despite all the tears that I already shed. I know it would have been better to ask for an Ipod, but it would have been nothing compared to the person who would actually give me one. Help me to remember to love life, and savor each moment as if it was my last.

Thank you and Merry Christmas..

I faced them like a sheep being offered to a lions den. They were just seated there, watching my every move, and listening to every word that came out of my mouth. It was as if one wrong turn could possibly lead to my own succumbing and that if I try to steer away from what is true, then my neck is bound to be bitten off. I actually feared this day, of adjusting to new people to handle, afraid that if I don’t make any correct actions, then my career is very much going down the hill. After one dreadful hour, I came out of that room, realizing that what I feared at the beginning of the day was merely a figment of my imagination. When I motioned my senses to assume the worst, things turn out beautifully in the end.

I ask myelf, why do we commonly pre-conditon our minds to situations that seem threatening to us just because it rquires a certain amount of change? When my boss first announced that I would be transferring to a new team, I felt as if my comfort zone was suddenly closed down for renovation. Automatically my mind resisted the thought, and I was battling my own strength for any rationalization. The change was scary enough for me to have lost my wits.

Evidently, situations like these do not only exist when it comes to adjustments at work. Most of the time in our existence, change comes in when we least expect it. And when it does, we lose ourselves and panic. Sometimes with the gravity of it, we close our minds to the possibility of it bringing a brighter result in the end.

When you are young, you fall in love, you think about the future, you envision that little fairy tale in your head. But when the love story tumbles down the road, you start hating yourself for the big changes it is packaged with. Years you will hide in the dark and eventually scorn the man who broke your heart. But with the years where we wallow in pain, the situation may not be so favorable for us, but it might be for the other person.

As much as we plan to make things happen to our own desire, sooner or later the things that we accustom ourselves to may bend somehow. Little do we realize that at the onset of it, there might be something bigger and better for us. I guess it is only human to react violently to what is new to us, but with the passage of time you will see that it wouldn’t be as bad if you drive your senses to accept first and then deal with it like an adult.

I remember a friend who has been working for almost 8 years now, and he hated his job with this undescribable passion. But he somehow manages to wake up every morning, get into his suit, and go to work as if it was a part of him that can never be removed. It was one big routine, and despite him abhorring the daily mantra, he did it because he considered it as a safe zone. Something where he didn’t have to be anything else what he commonly did everyday.

Then one day he was given the opportunity to work with his father-in-law, a job quite different from the one he had, so he immediately turned down the offer. Of course with his wife’s persistence, he grudgingly took it, and now 2 years after he did, I have never seen him happier. He said that at the time he was working 9-5, he only accepted what is expected, not because he wanted to do something that would make him better.

It dawned to me that one cannot blame the reactions to change. Of course we tend to see the bad part of something before we even set our minds to try it. We only weigh what the negative is when we haven’t even experienced the change itself. The big question is, how many changes how you resisted yourself to just to remain in that same scene bubble you’ve living in?

Maybe change is interrelated with chance. I thought of all the opportunities I turned down because I was simply afraid of losing the non-complicated life I was already leading. But things get complicated only because we make them. And changing it doesn’t necessarily mean you are losing yourself, when in fact it is adding to what other potentials you can be.

Leaving something old for something new should not be a threat. It should be a risk. After all, if one does not take a risk, then you won’t ever know where you’ll be happy.